Dari jaman pertama kali manusia belajar, penjumlahan mungkin adalah dasar pembelajaran perhitungan matematis yang akan digunakan sampai kapanpun juga. Satu tambah satu sama dengan 2. Itu yang ditanamkan di benak kita sampai-sampai kita terlalu terpaku pada wujudnya. Memang jika satu tambah satu sama dengan dua, hidup menjadi jauh lebih mudah. Semua hal dihitung dari kuantitasnya saja. Tidak repot bukan? Beli karcis bioskop misalnya, jika ada dua kepala, maka yang harus dibayar adalah dua. Sama dengan tiket pesawat atau tiket masuk taman bermain. Terkadang ada sedikit pengertian dari penjual dengan mengurangi harga untuk anak-anak dibawah lima tahun (misalnya).
Itu kalau bendanya mudah dihitung, seperti kepala atau telur. Satu kilo telur ya enam belas biji, kalau ada timbangan baru ditimbang, kalau tidak ada yasudah hitung saja berdasarkan enam belas biji itu. Kalau beli ayam di pasar maka hitungannya per ekor. Kalau beli sayur maka hitungannya per ikat. Kalau belanjanya di supermarket, maka hitungannya menggunakan timbangan, sampai nol koma nol sekian pun harus kita bayar ke sen terakhir. Lebih adil mungkin dibanding di pasar, tapi harganya relatif lebih mahal sedikit dari pasar tradisional.
Lalu sebenarnya apakah tulisan ini adalah tentang belanjaan dan pasar? Tentu bukan.
Di seluruh area kehidupan kita, satu tambah satu adalah dua. Fix, tidak bisa ditawar lagi. Padahal manusia tidak sama per pribadinya. Baik telur, ayam, manusia, bahkan benda-benda mass produksi sekalipun tidak ada yang sama persis. Memang kalau dilihat sekilas, semua benda mass produksi itu bentuknya warnanya benar-benar (nyaris) identikal. Tapi sejujurnya siapa yang bisa menakar kesamaannya. Mata kita melihat beberapa kesamaan signifikan dan mengatakan itu sama. Mulut kita merasakan kesamaan rasa maka kita mengatakan itu sama. Penilaiaannya relatif sekali.
Contohnya indomie, makanan (nyaris) pokok bangsa Indonesia. Hari ini makan sebungkus terasa kenyang, besok makan sebungkus terasa kurang. Aqua botol 600ml, pagi diminum terasa segar, sore diminum terasa kurang manis dibanding botol yang pagi. Karcis bioskop dua kepala maka dua tiket, tanpa peduli kepala yang satu beratnya empat puluh kilo dan kepala lainnya beratnya sembilan puluh kilo. Bahkan dua buah melon yang memiliki berat yang sama tetapi belum tentu kadar kesegarannya dan manisnya sama satu dengan yang lainnya. Padahal kalian membayar sama untuk kedua benda identik tersebut. Adil? Tentu tidak. Mudah? Tentu iya.
Satu tambah satu adalah dua merupakan sebuah prinsip kuantitas. Padahal yang lebih meninggalkan persepsi di benak manusia adalah kualitas. Kalau menggunakan kuantitas maka lama hubungan ditambah faktor kebiasaan berarti cinta. Kalau menggunakan kualitas maka sesedikit apapun waktunya kalau dijalani dengan sepenuh hati akan lebih bermakna dari jam-jam lainnya yang terbuang. Memakan seporsi omelete di restoran tidak sama dengan feeling yang ditinggalkan ketika anda memakan omelete yang dimasakkan oleh istri tercinta.
Itu adalah bukti nyata bahwa hidup adalah relative dan persepsi manusia lebih mudah diisi oleh sebuah kualitas. Jika selalu meributkan kuantitas sesuatu, mungkin lama-lama akan melupakan sebuah kualitas. Kuantitas melupakan sebuah kesan, sedangkan kualitas meninggalkan kenangan yang akan selalu diingat oleh benak manusia.
Jadi berhubung hidup itu relatif, mari kita memupuk kualitas. Karena jangan-jangan satu tambah satu belum tentu sama dengan dua.
August 31, 2010
Buat apa berjuang?
Oke, ini bukan masalah mau atau bisa. Ini masalah apa tujuannya. Buat gue, yang cuma seorang manusia biasa, berjuang itu gak pernah setengah-setangah, sekali setuju maka mari berjalan sampai akhir. Tapi lihat juga apa yang gue perjuangin. Tetep harus ada satu titik pencapaian di depan sana yang bisa jadi motivasi gue atau semacam penyemangat bahwa sesuatu yang gue lakuin gak sia-sia.
Ketika ada yang mengajak gue melakukan sesuatu bersama, dan dalam makna bersama itu harusnya adalah sebuah tim utuh, dan ketika gue mengiyakan, maka itu adalah komitmen. Gak ada kata iya yang gue ucapin dengan terpaksa. Itu masalah prinsip kalo buat gue. dan ketika gue udah iya, maka wajar kalau gue melakukan segala cara untuk menuju ke titik pencapaian itu.
Dengan catatan kalau orang yang mengajak tetap konsisten menemani proses ini dari awal sampai akhir. Yang sebenernya seharusnya adalah demikian adanya, karena kalau si pengajak lalu melepas tangannya dan menyuruh gue untuk berjuang sendiri maka pertanyaannya adalah buat apa.
Kalau pertanyaan itu sudah muncul di benak gue, maka semangat dan minat gue biasanya langsung turun seketika. You ask for a yes but you let me fight our battle alone and yet you dare to say the word ‘together.’ Do you know the real meaning of together?
Jadi, pada intinya, gue capek. Capek berjuang buat sesuatu yang jangan-jangan gak ada hasilnya buat gue. Gila aja, ini gue nyeburin diri gue sepenuhnya kali, terus apa yang lo tawarin buat gue? Manusia juga perlu bahan bakar buat berjuang kali. Dan bahan bakar itu jelas gak akan bisa lo beli dari toko manapun.
Yang gue butuh adalah esensi. Suatu pertunjukan tunggal dari lo. Semacam ‘signage’ bahwa ini gue jalan di jalan yang bener, bahwa utopia tujuan kita dari awal sampai sekarang itu menuju ke arah yang benar dan bahwa lo juga menuju kesana bareng gue.
Yang gue perlu itu semacam pembuktian mungkin, bahwa lo sebenernya masih jalan disebelah gue, jadi gue gak akan merasa sendirian. Itu yang gue perlu.
Karena jujur, sekarang gue ngerasa tersesat. Dan gue merasa sendirian. Dan gue benci keadaan kayak gini.
So please help me, will you?
Ketika ada yang mengajak gue melakukan sesuatu bersama, dan dalam makna bersama itu harusnya adalah sebuah tim utuh, dan ketika gue mengiyakan, maka itu adalah komitmen. Gak ada kata iya yang gue ucapin dengan terpaksa. Itu masalah prinsip kalo buat gue. dan ketika gue udah iya, maka wajar kalau gue melakukan segala cara untuk menuju ke titik pencapaian itu.
Dengan catatan kalau orang yang mengajak tetap konsisten menemani proses ini dari awal sampai akhir. Yang sebenernya seharusnya adalah demikian adanya, karena kalau si pengajak lalu melepas tangannya dan menyuruh gue untuk berjuang sendiri maka pertanyaannya adalah buat apa.
Kalau pertanyaan itu sudah muncul di benak gue, maka semangat dan minat gue biasanya langsung turun seketika. You ask for a yes but you let me fight our battle alone and yet you dare to say the word ‘together.’ Do you know the real meaning of together?
Jadi, pada intinya, gue capek. Capek berjuang buat sesuatu yang jangan-jangan gak ada hasilnya buat gue. Gila aja, ini gue nyeburin diri gue sepenuhnya kali, terus apa yang lo tawarin buat gue? Manusia juga perlu bahan bakar buat berjuang kali. Dan bahan bakar itu jelas gak akan bisa lo beli dari toko manapun.
Yang gue butuh adalah esensi. Suatu pertunjukan tunggal dari lo. Semacam ‘signage’ bahwa ini gue jalan di jalan yang bener, bahwa utopia tujuan kita dari awal sampai sekarang itu menuju ke arah yang benar dan bahwa lo juga menuju kesana bareng gue.
Yang gue perlu itu semacam pembuktian mungkin, bahwa lo sebenernya masih jalan disebelah gue, jadi gue gak akan merasa sendirian. Itu yang gue perlu.
Karena jujur, sekarang gue ngerasa tersesat. Dan gue merasa sendirian. Dan gue benci keadaan kayak gini.
So please help me, will you?
August 27, 2010
about today,
grateful first, story later :)
Oh yeah, I am grateful, despite the fact that now I am (almost) reaching the quarter life (which means that I am old!). I have thousand things to be grateful for.
I live in a house, with a roof above me to make sure that I have a place to feel safe when rain comes down. I eat three times a day, sometimes more, to make sure that I won’t be hungry. I definitely have enough clothes to make sure that I won’t be naked if I don’t want it.
I had graduated. I have a job, not the greatest job in the world of course but sure it teaches me a lot. At least for now I am a little bit independent than before.
I have friends, lot of them, and they always there beside me when I need them.
I have a family, not the perfect one but it’s exactly what I need and that’s perfect for me.
I have a boyfriend who teaches me the sweetest kind of love.
So, grateful is the exact definition of my feeling for today.
Twenty four is the exact age of my mum when she first celebrated her birthday with little me. I have her picture with me that time in my baby photo album. She looks so beautiful in the picture, much more beautiful than I am now of course. And I, of course, am not having a little baby girl in my hands when I blow my candle tonight.
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Twenty four can be old. Some people said that twenty four is not the age for having fun anymore, that we need to be mature and whatsoever serious thing to do. That can be true, but again, who the hell they are to teach me to live my life their way.
Sure twenty four is mature enough to think about mature things, but who said we couldn’t have fun anymore? Maybe it’s the perfect age to be alive. Like my mum who lead her very different life as a mother when she had me, though she was just twenty four at that time. Maybe it’s the perfect age for me to start a merry life.
I still have some dreams to catch, some imagination to live. I want the sun to shine. I want the rain to pour. I want the night to come. I want to dance under the stars, a kiss under the moonlight. I want it all, all the sweetest things my dreams wanted, all the wildest things my imagination desiring. I don’t care of being wrong, I don’t care of being hurt. It’s my life after all. And it’s better to try something than being curious about the feeling of doing something. It’s better to be wrong than living a flat and bored life.
Twenty four is the starter. Twenty four is the passion. Life is where your feet brings you while you're singing melodies.
Thanks God for my breath for these twenty four years. Thanks for filling my life.
Oh yeah, I am grateful, despite the fact that now I am (almost) reaching the quarter life (which means that I am old!). I have thousand things to be grateful for.
I live in a house, with a roof above me to make sure that I have a place to feel safe when rain comes down. I eat three times a day, sometimes more, to make sure that I won’t be hungry. I definitely have enough clothes to make sure that I won’t be naked if I don’t want it.
I had graduated. I have a job, not the greatest job in the world of course but sure it teaches me a lot. At least for now I am a little bit independent than before.
I have friends, lot of them, and they always there beside me when I need them.
I have a family, not the perfect one but it’s exactly what I need and that’s perfect for me.
I have a boyfriend who teaches me the sweetest kind of love.
So, grateful is the exact definition of my feeling for today.
Twenty four is the exact age of my mum when she first celebrated her birthday with little me. I have her picture with me that time in my baby photo album. She looks so beautiful in the picture, much more beautiful than I am now of course. And I, of course, am not having a little baby girl in my hands when I blow my candle tonight.
.jpg)
Twenty four can be old. Some people said that twenty four is not the age for having fun anymore, that we need to be mature and whatsoever serious thing to do. That can be true, but again, who the hell they are to teach me to live my life their way.
Sure twenty four is mature enough to think about mature things, but who said we couldn’t have fun anymore? Maybe it’s the perfect age to be alive. Like my mum who lead her very different life as a mother when she had me, though she was just twenty four at that time. Maybe it’s the perfect age for me to start a merry life.
I still have some dreams to catch, some imagination to live. I want the sun to shine. I want the rain to pour. I want the night to come. I want to dance under the stars, a kiss under the moonlight. I want it all, all the sweetest things my dreams wanted, all the wildest things my imagination desiring. I don’t care of being wrong, I don’t care of being hurt. It’s my life after all. And it’s better to try something than being curious about the feeling of doing something. It’s better to be wrong than living a flat and bored life.
Twenty four is the starter. Twenty four is the passion. Life is where your feet brings you while you're singing melodies.
Thanks God for my breath for these twenty four years. Thanks for filling my life.
August 24, 2010
Seberapa pentingnya sebuah nama?
Gue kerja di tempat dimana nama dan gelar adalah suatu hal yang sakral, bahkan kadang gelar bahkan bisa lebih penting dari namanya sendiri. Entah itu penting untuk meningkatkan derajat kecerdasan dimata orang lain atau sekedar penghormatan terhadap bidang ilmu yang diambil. Kadang hanya salah satunya, tetapi kadang campuran dari keduanya.
Buat gue, nama penting kalau kasusnya itu menulis nama orang lain. Kalau nama gue yang ditulis atau disebut salah, yasudahlah gak penting juga. Tapi sebisa mungkin gue selalu nyoba menyebut atau menulis nama orang dengan benar. Di dunia gue kerja, hal itu jadi sangatlah penting. Wajar aja sih, karena di dunia ini tanpa gelar maka kita adalah nothing. Gelar adalah penentu penempatan kita, job desk kita, bahkan gaji kita, tapi itu hanya berlaku di dunia gue kerja.
Kalau udah masuk ke kasus sehari-hari, maka pertanyaannya Cuma, “Penting ya?” Contohnya simple, entah kenapa belakangan gue nemuin undangan merit yang nama mempelainya ada tambahan gelarnya. Penting ya? Come on, who cares lo kuliah apa ketika lo merit? Kalau ada yang peduli, materiil sekali ya dunia kita? Tapi banyak orang nganggep “Ya dong, kan udah kuliah mahal.” Ya itu sih kalo kuliahnya udah master ato doctor atau bahkan udah dapet gelar professor. Kalo masih sarjana strata satu sih malu-maluin aja. Gue bahkan ragu kalo gue udah professor sekalipun (walau kayaknya otak gue gak akan nyampe ke jenjang keprofesoran deh) gue bakal nyantumin itu gelar di benda public macam kartu nama atau, lebih parah lagi, undangan apapun.
Di benak gue, nama itu gak penting kecuali untuk menghormati orang tua yang memberikan nama tersebut dan gelar itu gak penting karena gak menunjukkan kecerdasan seseorang juga. Tapi ternyata pendapat gue bisa berubah, semata hanya karena satu kejadian kecil (tapi mengganggu).
Semata karena gue ternyata kenal sama seseorang yang menggunakan nama sebagai wujud penghinaan. Bukan ledek-ledekan nama ala anak SMP-SMA ya, tapi dalam wujud yang lebih pengecut dari itu. Yang gue maksud disini jelas bukan nama gue. Gue sih ga pernah peduli kalo diri gue yang dijadikan objek semacam itu, tapi kalo itu udah menyangkut ke orang yang deket sama gue emosi gue langsung naik. Apalagi entah kenapa gue ngerasa kalo dia sengaja ngelakuin itu untuk membuat gue sebal. Entah udah berapa puluh kali gue meralat kesalahan dia menyebut nama itu, tapi entah kenapa dia selalu sengaja pake si nama lain yang ada diotaknya itu. Mungkin juga dia segitu bodohnya jadi gak bisa membaca dan menulis dengan benar, which is gue ragu dia bodoh. Kalau udah gitu kemungkinan yang tersisa kan cuma tinggal unsur kesengajaan, atau mungkin dia emang seseorang yang gak bisa menghormati orang lain karena merasa dirinya paling hebat.
Tsk, such a megalomaniac person. Tapi berkat dia gue jadi bisa sedikit instropeksi diri, bahwa tindakan tidak menghormati orang lain (entah apapun alasannya) tidak layak dilakukan dengan cara sepengecut ini. Even if you hate someone so bad, you need to pay respect to them. Dan gue yakin kalau ada orang yang ngelakuin itu ke dia, pasti dia gak akan suka. Dia orang yang lumayan bangga sama namanya dan menyandang marga keluarga dengan bangga (pernah diceritain makanya gue tau). Seenggaknya sekarang gue jadi tau orang macam apa dia itu, seseorang yang gak bisa menghormati orang lain dengan baik. Dan dia berhasil mengajarkan pesan moral ke gue, don’t treat people something you don’t want them to do to you.
Respect others, because only God can count our value in life, if we have it.
Buat gue, nama penting kalau kasusnya itu menulis nama orang lain. Kalau nama gue yang ditulis atau disebut salah, yasudahlah gak penting juga. Tapi sebisa mungkin gue selalu nyoba menyebut atau menulis nama orang dengan benar. Di dunia gue kerja, hal itu jadi sangatlah penting. Wajar aja sih, karena di dunia ini tanpa gelar maka kita adalah nothing. Gelar adalah penentu penempatan kita, job desk kita, bahkan gaji kita, tapi itu hanya berlaku di dunia gue kerja.
Kalau udah masuk ke kasus sehari-hari, maka pertanyaannya Cuma, “Penting ya?” Contohnya simple, entah kenapa belakangan gue nemuin undangan merit yang nama mempelainya ada tambahan gelarnya. Penting ya? Come on, who cares lo kuliah apa ketika lo merit? Kalau ada yang peduli, materiil sekali ya dunia kita? Tapi banyak orang nganggep “Ya dong, kan udah kuliah mahal.” Ya itu sih kalo kuliahnya udah master ato doctor atau bahkan udah dapet gelar professor. Kalo masih sarjana strata satu sih malu-maluin aja. Gue bahkan ragu kalo gue udah professor sekalipun (walau kayaknya otak gue gak akan nyampe ke jenjang keprofesoran deh) gue bakal nyantumin itu gelar di benda public macam kartu nama atau, lebih parah lagi, undangan apapun.
Di benak gue, nama itu gak penting kecuali untuk menghormati orang tua yang memberikan nama tersebut dan gelar itu gak penting karena gak menunjukkan kecerdasan seseorang juga. Tapi ternyata pendapat gue bisa berubah, semata hanya karena satu kejadian kecil (tapi mengganggu).
Semata karena gue ternyata kenal sama seseorang yang menggunakan nama sebagai wujud penghinaan. Bukan ledek-ledekan nama ala anak SMP-SMA ya, tapi dalam wujud yang lebih pengecut dari itu. Yang gue maksud disini jelas bukan nama gue. Gue sih ga pernah peduli kalo diri gue yang dijadikan objek semacam itu, tapi kalo itu udah menyangkut ke orang yang deket sama gue emosi gue langsung naik. Apalagi entah kenapa gue ngerasa kalo dia sengaja ngelakuin itu untuk membuat gue sebal. Entah udah berapa puluh kali gue meralat kesalahan dia menyebut nama itu, tapi entah kenapa dia selalu sengaja pake si nama lain yang ada diotaknya itu. Mungkin juga dia segitu bodohnya jadi gak bisa membaca dan menulis dengan benar, which is gue ragu dia bodoh. Kalau udah gitu kemungkinan yang tersisa kan cuma tinggal unsur kesengajaan, atau mungkin dia emang seseorang yang gak bisa menghormati orang lain karena merasa dirinya paling hebat.
Tsk, such a megalomaniac person. Tapi berkat dia gue jadi bisa sedikit instropeksi diri, bahwa tindakan tidak menghormati orang lain (entah apapun alasannya) tidak layak dilakukan dengan cara sepengecut ini. Even if you hate someone so bad, you need to pay respect to them. Dan gue yakin kalau ada orang yang ngelakuin itu ke dia, pasti dia gak akan suka. Dia orang yang lumayan bangga sama namanya dan menyandang marga keluarga dengan bangga (pernah diceritain makanya gue tau). Seenggaknya sekarang gue jadi tau orang macam apa dia itu, seseorang yang gak bisa menghormati orang lain dengan baik. Dan dia berhasil mengajarkan pesan moral ke gue, don’t treat people something you don’t want them to do to you.
Respect others, because only God can count our value in life, if we have it.
August 20, 2010
Stupid Expectation
You know, the biggest human problem in the pursuit of happiness is expectation. Sometimes you just expect too much that you forget to stop awhile and be grateful for all you’ve got. I didn’t say that expectation is wrong. We definitely need expectation to plan our move before doing anything later. But same as every other problem in the world, too little is never good enough and too much is never good either. It’s all the same, same theory, just like gravitation. The higher you fly, the more hurt you’ll get when you down. Same as expectation, the higher you want it, the bigger disappointment you’ll get later. And lack of expectation won’t get you anywhere.
But as a human, our curiosities always lead us to the other side. You feel cold and you want something hot. You are ugly and you want to be pretty. You’re white skin and yet you tanned yourself. You’re not in love and you curious about being in love. Never enough, as always, human are greedy species. You get one side and you want the other side. But nothing works that way, no perfection in this world and you can’t have the both side.
And here I am, definitely the sample of human being, full of false assumption and wrong expectation. I’m the exact example of pathetic romantic kind. Means that I always expect something to be as much as I feel. I ask for something more, and I forget to say enough. I wish for undivided-attention, a dance in the moonlight night, a surprise visit in the middle of the week, a single stem of white lily without occasion, sweet words, simple sacrifice in the name of love, those kind of romantic notion that tell that I’m loved. Yeah, I know, I realize that it’s silly because you couldn’t count love from those act. And yeah I know I ask too much.
Yeah, my bad, I though I can control it, but I can’t. When I love, I expect to be love in return. When I am excited about something, I expect the other to be excited too. Being in the same boat with me, I mean as my partner, maybe need some extraordinary energy to cope with my speed. I know it’s wrong for me to expect anybody to think as I think, but I can’t help it.
And after reality tells me to stop doing that, in some ironic way of it, finally I can stop awhile and reflect to myself. What have you done in the name of love? You haven’t done it yet you expect it. Egoist, such an egoistic person.
So, some suggestion for myself, to prevent another stupidity, just do more and expect less. You make other miserable when you forget that because you won’t find happiness if your eyes refuse to see it as a happiness. Just please stop those stupid expectation and try to live properly.
After all, happiness is handmade, with a help from God.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
but that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
but that's alright because I love the way you lie
(Eminen feat Rihanna – Love The Way You Lie)
But as a human, our curiosities always lead us to the other side. You feel cold and you want something hot. You are ugly and you want to be pretty. You’re white skin and yet you tanned yourself. You’re not in love and you curious about being in love. Never enough, as always, human are greedy species. You get one side and you want the other side. But nothing works that way, no perfection in this world and you can’t have the both side.
And here I am, definitely the sample of human being, full of false assumption and wrong expectation. I’m the exact example of pathetic romantic kind. Means that I always expect something to be as much as I feel. I ask for something more, and I forget to say enough. I wish for undivided-attention, a dance in the moonlight night, a surprise visit in the middle of the week, a single stem of white lily without occasion, sweet words, simple sacrifice in the name of love, those kind of romantic notion that tell that I’m loved. Yeah, I know, I realize that it’s silly because you couldn’t count love from those act. And yeah I know I ask too much.
Yeah, my bad, I though I can control it, but I can’t. When I love, I expect to be love in return. When I am excited about something, I expect the other to be excited too. Being in the same boat with me, I mean as my partner, maybe need some extraordinary energy to cope with my speed. I know it’s wrong for me to expect anybody to think as I think, but I can’t help it.
And after reality tells me to stop doing that, in some ironic way of it, finally I can stop awhile and reflect to myself. What have you done in the name of love? You haven’t done it yet you expect it. Egoist, such an egoistic person.
So, some suggestion for myself, to prevent another stupidity, just do more and expect less. You make other miserable when you forget that because you won’t find happiness if your eyes refuse to see it as a happiness. Just please stop those stupid expectation and try to live properly.
After all, happiness is handmade, with a help from God.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
but that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
but that's alright because I love the way you lie
(Eminen feat Rihanna – Love The Way You Lie)
Friend.Lover.Nothing
From my observation in my twenty-three-something life, from my observation as a woman, in women’s perspective, men are divided into three categories. First are friend. Second are lover. Third are nothing. Of course I talk about women’s perspective in general. This isn’t absolute theory. Just one theory happens to be true in most of women’s population in the world.
For women, there are men who are nothing, who could change to be a friend or a lover later.
Some of men can be a friend, good friend or just friend. Some of them have a potential to be more than that, such as become a lover, and some friends could change to nothing. Some of them remain to be friend from time to time.
And then there are men who can be a lover that could last forever or just in periodical times only. After become a lover, those men only can become a nothing, they won’t become friends anymore.
Never once in my life I believe that a woman and a man could be a lover once and a friend later. If they can, either one of them still hold a feeling toward the other even after the breakup or maybe they were never be a real lover before. But not being friend doesn’t mean that they hate each other or can’t stand the presence of the other. It’s just that they don’t see the necessary of being friend with each other.
Friend, lover, or nothing, there’s only one way in a periodical time. You can’t be both in the same time.
For women, there are men who are nothing, who could change to be a friend or a lover later.
Some of men can be a friend, good friend or just friend. Some of them have a potential to be more than that, such as become a lover, and some friends could change to nothing. Some of them remain to be friend from time to time.
And then there are men who can be a lover that could last forever or just in periodical times only. After become a lover, those men only can become a nothing, they won’t become friends anymore.
Never once in my life I believe that a woman and a man could be a lover once and a friend later. If they can, either one of them still hold a feeling toward the other even after the breakup or maybe they were never be a real lover before. But not being friend doesn’t mean that they hate each other or can’t stand the presence of the other. It’s just that they don’t see the necessary of being friend with each other.
Friend, lover, or nothing, there’s only one way in a periodical time. You can’t be both in the same time.
August 9, 2010
rindu kamu, pacar
from the memory of the togetherness between ipod and you..
Ipod adalah salah satu memory yang memastikan bahwa aku bersama denganmu kemarin, karena setiap kali habis pergi denganmu, aku selalu lupa mengecilkan volume ipod yang maksimal karena kemarin dibuka dimobilmu menjadi ukuran normal untuk earphone. Lonjakan lagu super kencanglah yang selalu kembali mengingatkan aku pada kenangan hari kemarin, bahwa tak terasa, waktu lewat begitu cepat. Bahwa hari ini, walau belum 24 jam sejak aku terakhir bertemu denganmu, aku sudah merindukanmu sampai tercekat rasanya.
Walau kamu tak pernah pergi dari benakku, walau aku tetap berkomunikasi denganmu, aku tetap merindukanmu. Sering aku duduk dikamar, didepan tas yang kupakai ketika pergi bersamamu kemarin. Perlahan-lahan mengeluarkan satu demi satu benda-benda yang dengan bodohnya menimbulkan ingatan, yang penuh dengan kenangan tentang komentarmu. Tiket bioskop yang kutonton berdua denganmu. Botol parfum yang kadang kupakai yang pernah menimbulkan kernyitan geli-bingung di dahimu ketika kugunakan (mungkin kamu tak suka baunya, aku tak tahu alasan kernyitan tersebut). Shawl yang selalu kamu tanyakan keberadaannya dimanapun aku kedinginan, walau sebenarnya kamu jauh lebih hangat dari selambar kain itu dan kamu melakukan pekerjaan lebih baik dari benda itu dalam menghangatkan aku. Lipstick yang kau tertawakan ketika kugunakan. Compact powder yang bisa digunakan untuk berkaca yang setia menemaniku (belakangan ini terutama). Permen kalengan yang menurutmu terlalu besar untuk dibawa dalam tas. Notes yang penuh berisi cerita tentangmu (tapi tentu kamu tak tahu isinya). Semua kenangan kecil dan bodoh tapi entah kenapa terasa manis untukku.
Aku rindu padamu, pacar. Terlalu rindu. Selalu rindu.
Ipod adalah salah satu memory yang memastikan bahwa aku bersama denganmu kemarin, karena setiap kali habis pergi denganmu, aku selalu lupa mengecilkan volume ipod yang maksimal karena kemarin dibuka dimobilmu menjadi ukuran normal untuk earphone. Lonjakan lagu super kencanglah yang selalu kembali mengingatkan aku pada kenangan hari kemarin, bahwa tak terasa, waktu lewat begitu cepat. Bahwa hari ini, walau belum 24 jam sejak aku terakhir bertemu denganmu, aku sudah merindukanmu sampai tercekat rasanya.
Walau kamu tak pernah pergi dari benakku, walau aku tetap berkomunikasi denganmu, aku tetap merindukanmu. Sering aku duduk dikamar, didepan tas yang kupakai ketika pergi bersamamu kemarin. Perlahan-lahan mengeluarkan satu demi satu benda-benda yang dengan bodohnya menimbulkan ingatan, yang penuh dengan kenangan tentang komentarmu. Tiket bioskop yang kutonton berdua denganmu. Botol parfum yang kadang kupakai yang pernah menimbulkan kernyitan geli-bingung di dahimu ketika kugunakan (mungkin kamu tak suka baunya, aku tak tahu alasan kernyitan tersebut). Shawl yang selalu kamu tanyakan keberadaannya dimanapun aku kedinginan, walau sebenarnya kamu jauh lebih hangat dari selambar kain itu dan kamu melakukan pekerjaan lebih baik dari benda itu dalam menghangatkan aku. Lipstick yang kau tertawakan ketika kugunakan. Compact powder yang bisa digunakan untuk berkaca yang setia menemaniku (belakangan ini terutama). Permen kalengan yang menurutmu terlalu besar untuk dibawa dalam tas. Notes yang penuh berisi cerita tentangmu (tapi tentu kamu tak tahu isinya). Semua kenangan kecil dan bodoh tapi entah kenapa terasa manis untukku.
Aku rindu padamu, pacar. Terlalu rindu. Selalu rindu.
August 5, 2010
a little optimism in the pessimistic day
Life's always down to earth. When it feels that we're too happy to be true, then it shows us some way to humble ourself. Example today.
What a hellish day today. Wake up with dizzy head. Hear my sister complaining about her phone 6 o'clock in the morning, exactly the time when I should get ready to work. Late about few minutes for work, just to get the wrong and error absent machine. Get few extra minutes late for being late again till I find the right absent machine.
Coordination meeting in the morning till lunch means that I met some, and by some I mean much, people who choose to ask about my face, my allergic face. Like I couldn't see those little red spots. So annoying to answer those questions. And suddenly, I decide to go to the doctor, my skin doctor, immediately. And by immediately I mean this very night.
Spending my after lunch time to buy present, or in this case, present materials for one of my lecturer, again. Spend the afternoon making this present, and yeah, making the present because it's a scrap book. Not attending today's integration seminar because of that scrap book (I sign my absent first, that means I'm cheating, ain't I?).
Waiting till the doctor practice schedule. Going there in time to find that I need to wait half hour or more. Get my face checked. Get one treatment that burn my skin like hell. Get injected. Skin allergic can be damn annoying, huh? Pay an outrageous bill. Happily walking to the front door.
Just to find that it's raining outside. Get stuck in traffic jam in a public transportation. Walk in a pouring rain till my home. Take a cold bath, and finally I feel alive again.
Just to find some work to do before tomorrow morning. Do those work quickly. Preparing some things for tomorrow's trip, because I'm going to Bandung and i need to wake up 4 o'clock in the morning because of that. And finally I'm free, to take a rest i mean.
It's just another tiring day. Just another day. Sounds complaining, but really, I just feel tired and down, and somehow my melancholic side strike me bad. Well, maybe just some hyperactive hormone that could make me high and down so easily.
So here I am, very tired, very very. Waiting for my boyfriend to comfort me with his words, though it's really self centered to expect him to comfort me (well, it's my problem that I have this hellish day, not his). Lying in my bed with my almost closed eyes. Imagining tomorrow. And especially, imagining the weekend to come. Hell, after all those trying events, there's still something that can make me smile.
Wish and hope, our last resort when we feel like hell. So when you down, try to smile and remember, there's always tomorrow, and tomorrow's is always better than today.
Have a great hellish day, everyone, and have a great heavenly day after that. Because maybe life is fair sometimes :)
What a hellish day today. Wake up with dizzy head. Hear my sister complaining about her phone 6 o'clock in the morning, exactly the time when I should get ready to work. Late about few minutes for work, just to get the wrong and error absent machine. Get few extra minutes late for being late again till I find the right absent machine.
Coordination meeting in the morning till lunch means that I met some, and by some I mean much, people who choose to ask about my face, my allergic face. Like I couldn't see those little red spots. So annoying to answer those questions. And suddenly, I decide to go to the doctor, my skin doctor, immediately. And by immediately I mean this very night.
Spending my after lunch time to buy present, or in this case, present materials for one of my lecturer, again. Spend the afternoon making this present, and yeah, making the present because it's a scrap book. Not attending today's integration seminar because of that scrap book (I sign my absent first, that means I'm cheating, ain't I?).
Waiting till the doctor practice schedule. Going there in time to find that I need to wait half hour or more. Get my face checked. Get one treatment that burn my skin like hell. Get injected. Skin allergic can be damn annoying, huh? Pay an outrageous bill. Happily walking to the front door.
Just to find that it's raining outside. Get stuck in traffic jam in a public transportation. Walk in a pouring rain till my home. Take a cold bath, and finally I feel alive again.
Just to find some work to do before tomorrow morning. Do those work quickly. Preparing some things for tomorrow's trip, because I'm going to Bandung and i need to wake up 4 o'clock in the morning because of that. And finally I'm free, to take a rest i mean.
It's just another tiring day. Just another day. Sounds complaining, but really, I just feel tired and down, and somehow my melancholic side strike me bad. Well, maybe just some hyperactive hormone that could make me high and down so easily.
So here I am, very tired, very very. Waiting for my boyfriend to comfort me with his words, though it's really self centered to expect him to comfort me (well, it's my problem that I have this hellish day, not his). Lying in my bed with my almost closed eyes. Imagining tomorrow. And especially, imagining the weekend to come. Hell, after all those trying events, there's still something that can make me smile.
Wish and hope, our last resort when we feel like hell. So when you down, try to smile and remember, there's always tomorrow, and tomorrow's is always better than today.
Have a great hellish day, everyone, and have a great heavenly day after that. Because maybe life is fair sometimes :)
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