meaning

Since my sisters and I was still a little girl, we love to sit in my parent’s bed to have a chat about simply daily life. All five of us were sit in that queen size bed and talk and laugh and talk again and laugh again. Such a memorable memory from the past. The most favorite topic is our childhood. And one of the most often-discussed topic is the meaning of our names.

My parents have a unique system to names us, three of their children. Each of them choose one name and combine those words as a first and middle name. And I don’t know how, all of our names are unique, seldom used in Indonesia, and usually being misspelled by other person anytime anywhere.

We often asked about our name’s origin and meaning and my mother usually said that she forgot about it. In my case, she only remembered that my name was Russian and it was taking from the name vanessa but she didn’t remember the meaning from that vanessa name.

So when I grow up and got acquaintance with the amazing technology name Google, I Googled it. And I don’t know why I didn’t try to search for the meaning of vanya, instead I search for the meaning of vanessa. And I’ve found that vanessa means butterfly. Beautiful meaning, because I like butterfly, except that they die so young. When I tell my mother about the meaning, she laughs and said that no wonder I always go home late, exactly like ‘kupu-kupu malam.’ Wow, mom, I’m your oldest daughter and you called me ‘kupu-kupu malam,’ but I know that she was joke about it.

After that time, I always have special interest to every butterfly. I love how they have a pair of beautiful wings that flutter when they fly. I love how they metamorphose from an ugly and disgusting thing to become an amazingly glorious creature. I love butterfly, anything about them.

But funny still, I don’t know what happened but few days ago I try to Google the meaning of my real name, vanya. And I’ve found it. After 23 years of my life, I’ve finally found that my name means God is gracious. So I’m not a butterfly. I’m the evidence that God is gracious. No wonder I’m lucky. No wonder I’m blessed. That’s because God is gracious.

But inside I still can see myself as a butterfly, the metamorphose part, not the die-so-young part. Because God is gracious, He gives me many chances to learn from this life and metamorphose myself. And that’s the reason we live in this life, isn’t it, be a better person? Maybe right and maybe wrong, but I believe it’s right. And somehow in this life journey we’ll find our own happiness.



So, I think my name means that I’m a metamorphose butterfly that showered in God’s grace. I know that few people said that name isn’t important, but for me it’s important, because my name fulfill with love from my parents. And although they didn’t remember the meaning of it, I believe that there’s purpose for me, coincidence or not, to have this name.

So, although I have a short life later (and hopefully I won't), I don't mind, because I know God is gracious.

Thanks a lot, Daddy and Mommy, for my life. I love you both so much.